Adopting An Older Child

Photo from Canada Adopts that says "There are no unwanted children,
just unfound families."

When most people think about becoming a parent, they think about having a baby that's biologically related to them. Many people turn to adoption as an alternative because they're gay or infertile. I'm a little different. My family was created through adoption and even when I was a kid I assumed that's how I'd become a parent. Genetic connections have never felt important to me. And now that I'm feeling emotionally ready to parent I'm realizing that age doesn't feel important to me either. I've nannied for several babies, worked in my church's infant and toddler room, worked at a preschool, and babysat for a bunch of little kids. I feel like I've gotten my baby and toddler fix. 

Man in a leather jacket with a baby carrier.
Been there, done that.

Sleepless nights, diapers, carrying a kid around, pushing a stroller everywhere, and potty training just don't hold much appeal for me. I've already been there done that with teaching kids the alphabet, hearing first words, watching first steps, and singing nursery rhymes.

Father helping his daughter with homework.

When I picture myself parenting, I picture teaching my kid to swim and ride a bike, going on trips to the aquarium and museums, flying kites, gardening with them, playing video games and board games, taking family vacations, reading them bedtime stories, helping them with schoolwork, shooting hoops in the backyard, doing cool science experiments, volunteering with them, helping them learn to budget, teaching them to drive a car, having conversations with them about life, etc. All of those things involve older kids and teenagers.

Father and son grocery shopping in super hero capes.

There are so many school-aged kids who need adoptive parents and meanwhile the majority of people who want to adopt are stuck on the idea of a baby - as young as possible, with no special needs, and ideally the same race as them. Since I don't care about having the youngest kid possible, I'm going to leave the babies and toddlers for the people who are so desperate to have them. I'll go into adoption and specifically ask for a school aged kid.

Father teaching daughter to ride a bicycle.

Frankly, I think a school-aged kid will fit better into my life anyway. I'm aiming to adopt in two years so my plan is that I'll ask to be matched with a kid who is somewhere in the 6-8 age range. By then Mini T will be 5 and Terzo will be 9, so a kid who is 6-8 will be between them in age which means none of the kids will have to deal with a same-age peer living with them.

Father and son hiking.

A kid that age will already be in full-time school which means no daycare costs and any learning problems they have will probably have been diagnosed so I'll have a better idea of what I'll need to do to support them. A school aged child is better able to communicate their feelings and needs than a baby or very young child, which I think will be really helpful to me as a first time parent. There's often more family history available with older child adoption, which is great for the kid since it's important for them to know where they came from. And with an older child, to some extent, DCF can help match our personalities to each other since a school aged child already has a well-developed personality and their own established interests.

Father and son playing.