Going Dancing

Yesterday was Bastille Day and despite the very upsetting news from Nice, it was a good day until that point.

I spent the day hanging out with Dolphin, napping, and dealing with some very annoying logistical problems from back home. Then I got dressed up in a themed outfit and went to watch some truly spectacular fireworks over the Eiffel Tower.

Me in my Bastille Day outfit.

Body shot of my Bastille Day outfit.

Me in my Bastille Day outfit.

Trying to find the fireworks.

Eiffel Tower with fireworks.

Here's a link I found on Youtube of the fireworks:

After the fireworks I headed off to the gay district where they were hosting one of the many ginormous firefighters' dance parties around Paris. My thought process went something like this: I'm in France! Nobody knows me! I can dance like nobody is watching!

Picture of a squirrel striking a dance pose that says "Now we dance!"

Friends, my club dancing leaves something to be desired. There is a distinct gap between the vision in my head between the hot manly dance moves I am about to pull off and the decidedly more flaming dance moves my body actually decides to put forth. It is no good.

Cartoon comparing someone who can't dance to "normal girls" who can dance.

I have spent years trying to correct this problem. I'm actually quite good at following choreography. I can do jazz hands like nobody's business! But more seriously, I can also do most forms of partner dance and I no longer completely humiliate myself while attempting ballet. I can skank with the best of 'em. I can also do glowstick spinning/poi. I can do the wavy arm thing they do at goth clubs. Also the angry mosh pit punching dance thing you do at metal shows. What I can't do is any approximation of "masculine" club dancing - particularly a combination of "masculine" and "sexy." In college, I was sick of feeling like a flaming queen when I danced so I adopted the stand and nod my head style of dance. While others bumped and grinded, I stood there masculinely and nodded my head to the beat. Sometimes I held a drink in my hands because honestly what the hell does one do with one's hands while dancing in a manly fashion? Sometimes I danced with girls, in which case I sort of nodded with the beat while they danced on me. I NEVER danced with guys. Except when I was inebriated. Then I bumped, ground, and twerked like my life depended on it because guys are hot and drunk me wants some of that. Not good.

Photo of an old white man with thick black glasses,  a grey suit, and a red bow tie.
It says "my dance style ranges from white dad at a barbecue to stripper whose rent is due tomorrow."

What I need is a middle ground. I need to figure out how to embrace my body enough to dance while sober. Preferably more like a sexy dude and less like a trashy stripper but honestly I'll take trashy stripper over the head nod dance. At least I looked cute?