Fierce Friday - Pansy Division

Ok. Today's Fierce Friday is inspired by a memory.

A long long time ago, I had a friend. We used to hang out and listen to punk tapes and play video games in his basement and run around his neighborhood pulling stupid pranks. But the important part of the story is that this kid had a gay older brother. He was the only openly queer teenager I'd ever met. I thought he was impossibly cool and also incredibly brave for being out in an area where nobody else was brave enough to come out. Unsurprisingly enough, I had a ginormous crush on him. And also unsurprisingly, I was terrified to talk to him because I thought he might be able to smell the gay on me.

Graffiti of a woman shooting a gun that says "Not gay as in happy but queer as in fuck you!"

Long story short, one summer we had a sleepover and my friend fell asleep super early. In classic terrible-gay-teenage-movie style, I snuck upstairs to the older brother's room. Instead of kicking me out, he invited me in. I can still remember his outfit: ratty jeans, stained white t-shirt, wearing black eyeliner, black nail polish, a bunch of bracelets made from stretched out insides of soda bottle caps, and safety pin earrings. He was a weird mix of hardcore and sweet, with curly red hair and freckles. I was too terrified to talk so I sat awkwardly on his floor staring at my feet. Instead of trying to talk, he introduced me to queercore by playing from his collection of mix tapes. When he played the song "Deep Water" by the Pansy Division I remember being particularly moved. Until that moment I'd had no idea there were gay musicians and I couldn't believe how perfectly the song explained my life. Things went on from there and he introduced me to gay second base before we heard his mom get up to use the bathroom, at which point we panicked and snuck me back out of his room. 

I have no idea what happened to either of them because I had drifted apart from my friend by the time we got to high school. I heard from someone else that the older brother left home when he turned 18. I hope they're living really awesome lives now. I know my life was better for having known them. Having met an older queer teenager who made it out gave me hope after I came out and spent the rest of my teenage years being harassed.

Anyway, in honor of my friend's brother I'm wearing jeans, my shirt from Working Class Acupuncture (side note: their book "Acupuncture is Like Noodles" is a good one), my rather aged pink shoes, some old-school black gummy bracelets, a black cap, black nail polish, and black suspenders. I considered adding safety pin earrings just because but there were no safety pins in my room when I got dressed and I was too lazy to look for them.

A slightly blurry head shot of me.

Body shot of me. 

Me making a weird face and showing off my sledding bruise.

My awesome "Code Pink" shoes.

Closeup of my shirt. It's a black shirt with red text that says "Acupuncture can change the world"
in a circle around a closed fist with acupuncture points marked in stars on it.