Cleaning Out My Closet

Friends, I'm cleaning out my closet. And I don't mean the song by Eminem or the (in my opinion even better) song by Angel Haze. Nope, I mean some good old-fashioned throwing out anything that doesn't fit, has holes, or hasn't been worn in the last year. Here are some things I discovered while trying to clean out my closet:

1) My attempts to thwart the sock monster have failed. See, a while ago I started  buying only black socks of the same brand, so that when the sock monster that lives in my dryer claimed one of my socks I'd have no problems. I can't tell if that idea worked, but I can tell that the sock monster is angry because...

Meme that says "all my socks have holes in them."

How does this even happen?! I give up. I am buying fun socks and to hell with the sock monster.

2) I have secret aspirations to Guidohood. This does make some small degree of sense given I am part Italian and I have a not insignificant number of relatives who dress like the cast from Jersey Shore. Perhaps it's this desire to get back to my roots which inspired me to buy an entire bin full of beaters/a-frame undershirts in various colors. *facepalm*

Picture of guidos that says "I pump my fists up in the air sometimes
sayin' ayo I'm a guido!"

Since I'm going for full disclosure here I should mention that I also own dog tags, several crosses and rosaries, square cut diamond stud earrings, and more hair gel than I need now that my hair is rapidly fleeing to a better place. But at least I don't spray tan!

3) I have a disturbingly colorful underwear collection. As in, literally every color of the rainbow is represented including hot pink, teal, and lime green. Maybe it's time for some boring underwear so my next gentleman caller won't need sunglasses to shield his eyes from the brightness that is my skivvies?

Picture of an overly happy shirtless man throwing underwear in the air.