As you all know by now, I want to parent. A lot of my current life planning involves positioning myself to be ready for this eventuality. For example, making more money to support a family is the reason I'm taking the prerequisites to get into nursing school. Another big thing that I've been thinking a lot about lately is location. Where do I want to be living when I start parenting? I'm currently feeing torn between two locations. One of those locations is my current place in the Boston area. The other is Montreal. There are pros and cons for each.
Language:
I'm half French and half Italian so it's important for me that my kids be able to speak both of those languages - and English of course!
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| Clipart picture of an open smiling mouth with various flags painted on the lips. |
If I stay here: Boston is Anglophone but has a strong Francophone and Italophone communities. My house is entirely English-speaking and so is the USA in general so that won't be a concern. Getting them to be bilingual in French is more difficult but do-able with some considerable monetary investment. There is a good private bilingual French-English K-12 school which has a summer camp and various after school programs. It would certainly ensure their becoming bilingual but it's expensive and looks like it lacks supports for children with learning disabilities. There's also the French alliance which has summer programs and a children's library, which would help but also costs money. The local public school has Italian lessons as a class from elementary school onwards, which is good but would not get them fluent. If I were picking between the two I'd go for the private French-English school.
If I move to Montreal: The entire country is bilingual French-English and Quebec is majority Francophone. All public schools are taught in French or bilingual French-English. Everything including public libraries is in French and English. It's truly a bilingual city. I would have a very easy time raising my kids to be French-English bilingual. It would be harder teaching them Italian. There does seem to be an Italian community in Montreal but I haven't found much in the way of Italian classes for children.
Verdict: Montreal is much better for raising kids who can speak French fluently. Boston and Montreal are about equal for raising kids who speak Italian.
City Environment:
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| Image of a heart shape filled with yellow city buildings on a green background. |
Both cities have plenty of free and cheap cultural activities for children. Lots of museums, playgrounds, and events. Good public transportation including a bike system for both. There are good queer communities in both places. Both places have good farmer's markets. They have similar laws regarding beekeeping and chicken raising and whatnot. The cities are actually really similar when it comes down to it. The biggest noticeable differences are that Boston is more racially diverse than Montreal and Montreal is bilingual, it's colder, and it has a more "old world" feel than Boston.
Verdict: I can't decide. I like them both.
Housing:
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| Graphic showing that it's cheaper to own than to rent. |
If I stay here: I truly love where I'm living right now. My housemates are great and the kids would be happy to have another sibling. There's a garden in the backyard. We have pets. There is a playground a block away. The public library is within walking distance. That said, I am renting so it's inherently less stable than owning because Plum and Karma could change their minds about having housemates. And because I'm renting there will never be a point where I've paid off the mortgage and don't have a housing bill. Plus Plum and Karma are older than me so if we wind up living here until we're all elderly they'll likely die first and I could be fucked over at that point. And lastly, the house has not been lead tested and won't be so I'd have to adopt a child over age 5. I'm not actually sure this is a con since I don't have a strong age preference for the kids I adopt, but it is worth thinking about. If I stay in this area I'd stay in this house since I love my housemates and I'm priced out for buying in this area anyway.
If I move to Montreal: Housing is cheaper so I could buy a house in Montreal with a backyard that is near a playground and a library. I would then have all of the stability of home ownership. I could start my own co-op since I like living with other people. I could pick a place with no lead so I won't be restricted in the age of children I can adopt. The big downside here is that I'd miss my current housemates.
Verdict: Leaning slightly towards Montreal because I think I'd feel safer as a home owner than as a renter since nobody can kick me out of my house as long as I can pay for it.
Social Supports:
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| Picture of two fingers with pen drawn faces on them hugging each other. |
In Boston: I have amazing housemates, friends, and chosen family who can help me raise my kids. I could probably work out cheap babysitting coverage or swap babysitting with other people I already know. My house already has three kids so we've already got a supportive environment for kids. I know adoptive families locally, including my housemates, which would be hugely helpful. I have a good church community. The big drawback is that my ex spouse lives here, so while I will have plenty of social support for raising kids I feel hampered in my ability to branch out and date or make new friends because of the damage my ex has done to my reputation in the local communities.
In Montreal: I would have to create a new community. This is good in the sense that my ex spouse has not done any reputation damage to me there, but bad in the sense that it takes time and effort to create such a community. I do think Montreal would be much better for dating since it has a strong queer scene that does not contain my hostile ex.
Verdict: Boston wins because despite the ex, it's still easier to stay here where I have supports than to forge a new community elsewhere.
Legal/Country Differences:
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| Picture of American flag on left "vs" Canadian flag on right. |
Canada has much better parental leave policies than the United States (which doesn't have parental leave). Health care is cheaper in Canada. Colleges are cheaper in Canada. Canada's housing (both renting and buying) is much cheaper but its food and clothing is more expensive so maybe that evens out? Canada doesn't have the death penalty, which hopefully won't be applicable to me and my kids but is nice all the same.
Verdict: Montreal wins. Pretty much no contest here. It seems like it's way better to be a Canadian than an American.
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Where does this leave me? Confused like this baby monkey:
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| Baby monkey scratching its head. |
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